What I'd Tell Someone About to Move In With Family

If you're thinking about moving in with family, I won't pretend it's simple, and I won't sell it as a dream. I can tell you what I'd want someone to talk about early, because we did this for a real reason and then had to make the ordinary days work.

We moved back to Arizona from Texas because I wanted our kids to know their family. That story is in One Roof, Three Generations and Kids in a House with a Grandparent. You do not need a mission statement. You do need a sentence you can all stand behind. In our case, the sentence was about family, and about coming home to Arizona. Yours may be different. If you can't say why you're doing it, the hard days will invent a reason for you.

Talk about the kitchen. Who cooks, how often, and what happens when appetites don't match. A shared kitchen is where a shared life gets tested every day. I wrote about ours in A Shared Kitchen.

Talk about quiet. A full house still needs a door that is allowed to close. I wrote about that in Privacy in a Full House. Talk about schedules, because they will not line up. That's in When Schedules Don't Line Up.

Talk about money early, and calmly, and without turning the conversation into a verdict on anyone's worth. I won't put household figures on this site, or say who pays for what in our house. The point is to talk about it, in general terms, before the first month surprises someone.

And talk about a way to step outside. A full house needs a little air, especially in a climate like this one.

Rhythms help more than a burst of organization. A daily loaf, a regular dinner, packed lunches, a habit you can keep. I wrote about that in Rhythms Are How We Make It Work. The romantic version of living together fades. The ordinary version is what you're actually signing up for, and that's the version worth doing well.